I don't know why, but I find a lot of contentment in blogging. Funny, I don't enjoy actually writing in a diary as much since I find my hand gets all cramped up before I can finish writing what I'm feeling and doing. Don't forget, I like to write long run on sentences to a never ending essay sometimes. At times, I don't post a lot of my personal posts because to me it's like I'm completely naked to be judged. A feeling I don't like at all. I hope you guys can understand.
I was reading through a random person's blog post on Tumblr. The person wrote about getting beaten up by an older person over the age of 20. Which I find is completely stupid because the adult is acting extremely irresponsible and at a house party of a 16 year old? Really?! I'm certain the person who assaulted the poor girl could be putting better use of her time. People these days, SMH. I hope the girl charged the group that attacked her. I want to add violence doesn't lead to anything all it is: hate, violence, bitter endings, emptiness, sadness, and regret. You know, the usual things.
This is why I don't like the partying scene and I probably won't ever. A lot of unnecessary drama most if not all the time, I think I prefer other things in life to pass time and have fun with. If you guys didn't know I'm someone who can get situations easily misunderstand unless someone says to me otherwise. Dense? Sometimes. I feel as well I get easily angry and upset which sucks most of the time, but it makes me feel like I'm a human too. Most of the time in situations where it more or less makes me angry I like to choose to just ignore the other party because I know a scene can develop quickly. *powpowpow* a few punches and kicks later, then I get a criminal record? No thank you! I want to be able to have a good record plus a good employment. I wish I could be more like a docile creature, other times not. When I don't think it through much I say relatively mean things because to me, I don't find them hurtful, but obviously not the other person. It's still a work in progress..
HOW NICE IS ENOUGH?
I wanted to write about being a nice person. Ideally, I strive to be a nice person, but how nice? I mean to the point I can shove off being beaten or people owing me $100+? Probably not because from where I was raise, I wasn't graced with buckets of fortune or raised nicely. You think I'm loaded, turth is I'm a pretty normal person and I don't have a job. It's called saving up and people who care about me. I will not lend money to people if they ask me randomly and are acquaintances, it's understandable if your my S/O or someone I know for a fact that I can get the money back to someone whom I care for. Take note, I have few to none of these in real life, if you think I have a poor character since I have few to none. It's because people can claim an array of things, but it's those who can back it up that are worth it. I take a lot of care for things that have a lot of value, chances are I wouldn't leave those items alone and if someone did break it, I would ask for compensation or I'd probably charge them. If people think I'm such a bad person for doing that, I don't mind. Opposed to being in a large sum of debit because I just let everything go or in a deep depression since I'm in debit... I'd probably choose to ask for it back. That would make me, content with myself. Since everyone preaches that they need to love themselves first in order to love others, I'll just follow that motto here. Well, if something did get stolen chances are I'll suck it up, but critically reconsider my choices of venue and crowd.
Don't get me wrong, I am nice here and I am nice to people in real life because it's called being polite. Nice to me? I'll be nice to you. It's where people cross the line that switches nice to mean mode. People don't understand why I choose to end afflictions with them, but I hope if they were ever my friend(s) they could respect my choice and leave me alone. You know when, you just can't say the whole story, most of the time it's like that. Due to lack of people being able to understand my privacy of that, I like to keep a cold distance to many. My preferences are smaller crowds or extremely important people in my life. Due to many past experiences of knives being stuck in the back, I find it hard to have faith in others.
I know it's my incapability to grasp the other party's emotions, that I think I'm quite heartless at times. Personally, people are too complicated. Why can't they just tell me things?! I'll probably just sit there pondering to my wits as to what's wrong then proceed to process how it is wrong. Result; utter failure as to seeing what is wrong. I'm too socially detached, to really care sometimes.
Brings me to the topic of trust, if I trust you, please trust me. If I ask you not to do something, please don't. Chances are I'll probably never have any faith in you again. Also, gives me an idea where I fall in the friendship category.
I'm not all gloom and doom. I believe life is beautiful beyond words or pictures. That tomorrow could possibly bring a brighter future.
It's just my thoughts on how nice is enough, possibly it's never enough because people like to take and take and take. Never really give back.